ARE YOU IN "CONTROL"?

As I sit here and write this, I’m surprised how sore I am, this second week on the Aslyum program.  Although, I usually have a difficult time following specific meal plans; I’ve been able to stick to this plan about 95% of the time.  The workouts have been followed 100%; with the addition of my gym classes.  Meals have always been the challenge for me to follow but I’ve stayed committed to Shaun’s program.   It is supposed to be followed for 14 days and then you are able to choose whether you change it up or follow it as closely as possible for the remainder of the program.


I’m now coming up on my 14th day; or half-way through the Asylum program.  My abs are killing me; although in a good way!  I don’t even remember what I did that would cause me to be this sore but I’m certain it was yesterday’s workout; Game Day.  


Game Day is hell.  Nothing else can describe this workout.  I’m not kidding, I’ve been proud of the extreme workouts I’ve accomplished and thought this program would be “challenging” but I had no idea it would have me lying on the floor at the end, willing my body to stand up to stretch.  


The good news is that today’s workout was, “Back to Core”, which I now love after the grueling Game Day has past.  I was more than happy to hold lower lunge positions and squeeze harder when Shaun instructed us to do.  I even smiled because I loved it; and I knew it wasn’t “Game Day”.  


The bad news is that I peeked into my next week’s schedule of workouts and noticed the next time “Game Day” is scheduled, it is also to be immediately followed by “Overtime”.  Excuse me?  What exactly is, “Overtime”?  I’m not even sure I should ask.  


With all that said regarding my training these past two weeks, my life is about to change dramatically.  I won’t share the latest plans yet; but in a few weeks I’ll blog about what my next chapter will be.  


I plan to continue to follow my dreams of committing to health and fitness as well as help to inspire and motivate others to do the same; but it will take on a new look.  I don’t think I’ll ever stop doing what I love; it just wouldn’t feel right.  But things are going to change, nonetheless.


Do you notice when your life shifts, you tend to re-evaluate all that is important and plan how to make things better?  I am currently doing just that.  Fitness is a key component in my life and I’ve learned it was about my “control issues” that I have struggled with, that made me such a “fanatic” in the fitness realm.  What I also understand is that the same “control issues” that I dealt with were thrown into chaos when my loving family decided to cut us out of their lives without as much as an unkind word.  Since I had absolutely no control over these hurtful truths, my panic attacks hit with a vengeance.  I have begun to revisit the world of “panic”.  I know now that I am “okay” and can find the peace within myself if the attacks hit again.  What I didn’t know then was that I wasn’t going to die from them.  I don’t wish them on my worst enemy.  


If you’ve never suffered a panic attack, I would imagine you might think it isn’t such a big deal.  I wouldn’t think it’s a huge issue, if I myself wasn’t brought to my knees by this awful, out of control experience.  I plan to learn more about the specifics of this disorder and share my experiences and how I overcame the issues.  I feel stronger as a person for overcoming this and hope to share my experience with those who may be needing help or knowledge on the subject.   


My grueling workouts are paled in comparison to my worst panic attack.  That is why, I believe, I’m able to push through a workout such as ‘Game Day’ and although it’s grueling; know that I can push through again and live through it!  


Asylum is the beginning of a new phase of my life.  I look forward to sharing this with you when the time is right and I also look forward to stepping into a new issue such as panic disorders and share my story.  Through the unknown and out of control, into another reality, and being in enough control to live with determination and complete confidence in who I have become.

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One thought on “ARE YOU IN "CONTROL"?

  1. WOW, Kathy! I am so proud of you for putting this out there and recognizing to focus on your needs beyond the fitness world. I can't imagine what you're going through, but just know many are here to support you. Hugs!Perry

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