Moving into more of my story (in case you missed part 1, just go back to the previous post in my blog), obviously my habits weren’t going to help me with confidence issues or health issues along the way. My emotional eating habits and my insecurities were NOT helping me become the person that I would be proud of. This, I already understood at a young adult.
It’s sad too because I know so many people are fighting a similar fight and I would love to just extend my story to anyone who is in any kind of pain because of any issues they have endured and empower them…or YOU!
So, there I was, eating the 9 x 13 inch pan of brownies in my room…and that was just the tip of the iceberg. I would go through times of eating anything that was in reach when I felt low in my confidence (which, let’s face it, was too often already) and then I’d be guilty and starve myself for as long as I could stand…only to later give in and have a binge fest that would make a pie-eating contestant proud!
I knew this was not the way but I had NO idea what the secret was. How did other people look and feel so good about themselves? Why were they able to handle situations that made me out of control? I remember watching other family members and how they ate and I did my best to copy every thing they ate; portions and all…but seriously, these were people of different ages and not even all the same sex! Not much of a “thinker” back then either, I guess! LOL
But in all seriousness, I remember my mom asking me to go “ride a bike” or “play outside” and that just made no sense to me. Who would want to do that? And why??? I was happy sitting in my room, playing with my make believe worlds and imagination. It was BLISS!! I could be whomever I chose and do whatever it was that I could dream up! I would scour magazines and JCPenney catalogs and cut out pictures of women that I thought were beautiful and happy and create a world just for them!
Go outside??? Psssshhhhhttt….not this girl!
So, it was actually exciting when mom invited me to join her in attending her local gym workout class. I thought, what type of women do that? and is this some type of secret club???
I couldn’t believe how the small and stuffy aerobics room transformed into a fun party…where everyone LIKED me too!!! All the women were so kind and invited me to keep attending. I was hooked! Even on the days when mom didn’t want to go, I would beg her to drop me off. (I was 15 at the time and was able to join the “cool crowd”) This grew into a serious passion.
I grew to love three of the instructors the very best!! Their names were (because I NEVER forget!); Ana, Sara and Sylvia. They were all so motivating and fun and actually would call me up to the front of the class to “teach” my favorite move for a minute or so.
Can you imagine a shy girl that I was, going to the front and center of the room and leading the group in a move??? It was a bit nerve wracking but I didn’t care! It was INTENSE and it was complete joy!
Sylvia, one of the instructors that I grew to love (and held onto every word she spoke and all the tips she taught us) was also a Personal Trainer in the gym. I admired her toned and sculpted arms and legs! Wow!! To have that body would be just HEAVENLY!!
Now, granted, this was a FAR cry from the girl scouring fashion magazines and idolizing waif type models. This was something I could DO!
I began asking Sylvia to show me the weight room. YIKES!! That was scary but I was excited still. She took me and taught me how the machines worked and actually let me work in with her at times during her own workouts. (Either that or I was the ‘pesty’ young girl who was following her around obsessively!)
I decided at that time that I would be HER. I would become Sylvia…but in my own self!