Why me?

I am feeling the need to share deeply today.

I usually share how I’m working on bettering myself; mentally, physically, emotionally, nutritionally, etc etc etc.

I usually share some fun recipes that can be added into a healthier than most lifestyle.

I usually share some humor or deep thoughts and struggles from my life.

Today, is not usual.

Today is a day that I’m feeling the beginning of becoming completely transparent. I want to share on a deeper level and maybe even risk offending some of you in the meantime. If so, that is not my intention but I will not apologize for this transparency or messages either.

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I have been a Christian woman my whole life. I have a deep connection in my faith, church and community. I don’t usually share this because it is part of me already and more of a personal topic. I don’t wish to change anyone’s beliefs because that’s not my goal in life. My goals in life are based on MY FAITH, MY FAMILY and MY passion to help others achieve their best lives through my examples and failures.

That is all.

When life throws us curveballs, crap shots and just plain, ugly situations and challenges; we have many choices in how we will deal (or not deal) with these circumstances.

We have been dealt many challenges in our lives. I’m not alone in this and neither are you. Some of us go through more than others and while that is not “fair” by any measure or understandable in any way, it’s just the way it goes. What I believe in is prayer and faith in my God. It also requires us reaching out and loving on others in our lives and those who touch our lives. I don’t have time for people who are small-minded and who don’t care to think about the consideration of other people. We are not the center of the universe by any means, and yet, we should fight to take the best care of ourselves; mind, body and soul.

Currently, we are dealing with some less than awesome news. It’s personal and it’s private and I’m not going to share the details for obvious reasons. What I will share is this; we are all 100% responsible in doing our best every darned day. We are 100% responsible in leading others to living a better life. We are 100% responsible to everyone we know and love and have a connection with to support anytime there is a need. We are 100% responsible to stop being ignorant to ugliness, stupid to our mistakes and silent when there is something meaningful in our hearts to share.

Faith is my core. I believe that God uses me daily in many ways and that He does the same with you. We are just the messengers. We are just here to be a support, example and loving soul to everyone out there that needs and desires it.

While there are days that life knocks me to the ground; breathless and struggling to continue, I have the responsibility to stand up and fight. I have the responsibility to being a light to those who need it. I hit the lowest point in my life about 15 years ago and can remember quite vividly as I lay on the bathroom floor, crying and wishing for an end to my pain. I was a complete basket case. I thought that nobody could feel pain as I was feeling.

I was 100% ignorant and 100% incorrect.

So what, I was dealing with something that shattered my world? There are plenty of other people in this world who have and do, deal with much much more. Who am I to think I’m any worse or better off? We are all alike and we all have the responsibility to be there for each other every step of the way. Even as we struggle forward.

It was one day I will never forget.

One day about 15 years ago.

I know this because my children were 3 and 4 years old. I was laying on the floor of our small, pink bathroom at the time; sobbing and feeling like there could be nobody on this earth who could relate to the bitter and deep pain I was feeling at the time. It was unfair, it was cold, it was unsettling in every way I could imagine.

As I think back, it’s still difficult to comprehend. But it was my deepest struggle at that point. It was my hurt, pain and unhappiness in the situation. But what made me look up that day?

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I believe it was God who said to me, “Wake up and LOOK!”

I peered over my shoulder towards the bathroom doorway and I saw 2 pairs of young eyes, peeking around the corner to look at me. That is a moment I will never ever ever forget.

Those were my babies. Those babies were scared. They saw their mother on the ground and acting completely helpless and not anything like who they needed me to be. The look in their eyes was fearful and uncertainty. I felt as though I was kicked in the belly.

What was I doing to them? Here, I was worrying about ME. I was feeling sorry for ME. I was acting hopeless because of MY feelings of despair.

But what about them? What about my role and responsibility to helping them and showing them love and support? I was letting them down and I needed to get myself on track with a goal and a deeper reason for my life other than where I lay.

I remember also, pushing myself, weakly, up off the floor. I remember shakily standing up and washing my tear-stained face and heard their little feet run off into the next room. I forced a smile upon my face and went to find them. I wrapped my arms around them and promised myself I would make it my life’s goal to always be there for them. To always be there for others who needed me. That’s how we deal with hardships. We are not alone. There are so many others who rely on us and who need us and our strength; as we also need theirs.

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That day changed my life. That was the day that helped me see that there is a bigger cause than my own thoughts and feelings. The same is true for you today. I hope this message touches you in some way to do something greater with our life.

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